Voltaire

Voltaire – When You’re Evil

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When the Devil is too busy
And Death’s a bit too much
They call on me by name you see,
For my special touch.
To the Gentlemen I’m Miss Fortune
To the Ladies I’m Sir Prize
But call me by any name
Any way it’s all the same

I’m the fly in your soup
I’m the pebble in your shoe
I’m the pea beneath your bed
I’m a bump on every head
I’m the peel on which you slip
I’m a pin in every hip
I’m the thorn in your side
Makes you wriggle and writhe
And it’s so easy when you’re evil
This is the life, you see
The Devil tips his hat to me
I do it all because I’m evil
And I do it all for free
Your tears are all the pay I’ll ever need

While there’s children to make sad
While there’s candy to be had
While there’s pockets left to pick
While there’s grannies left to trip down the stairs
I’ll be there, I’ll be waiting ’round the corner
It’s a game. I’m glad I’m in it
‘Cause there’s one born every minute
And it’s so easy when you’re evil
This is the life, you see
The Devil tips his hat to me
I do it all because I’m evil
And I do it all for free
Your tears are all the pay I’ll ever need

I pledge my allegiance, to all things dark
And I promise on my damned soul
To do as I am told, Lord Beelzebub
Has never seen a soldier quite like me
Not only does his job, but does it happily.

I’m the fear that keeps you awake
I’m the shadows on the wall
I’m the monsters they become
I’m the nightmare in your skull
I’m a dagger in your back
An extra turn on the rack
I’m the quivering of your heart
A stabbing pain, a sudden start.

And it’s so easy when you’re evil
This is the life, you see
The Devil tips his hat to me
I do it all because I’m evil
And I do it all for free
Your tears are all the pay I’ll ever need
And I do it all for free
Your tears are all the pay I’ll ever need
And I do it all for free
Your tears are all the pay I’ll ever need

It gets so lonely being evil
What I’d do to see a smile…
Even for a little while…

And no one loves you when you’re evil
I’m lying though my teeth!
Your tears are all the company I need

Voltaire – God Thinks

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God thinks
All blacks are obsolete farm equipment
God thinks
The Jews killed his son and must be punished
God thinks
The white man is Satan
God, they know what God thinks
God thinks
We should all convert to Judaism
God thinks
We must all be Christians, and
God thinks
We should all embrace Islam
God thinks
The only true religion is Hinduism
And I, I know what God thinks
God thinks you’re a waste of flesh
God prefers an atheist
God, God
God thinks all people like you are hateful
God thinks all people like you are an embarrassment to creation
Self righteous, judgmental
First to throw the stone
And using his name for your own protection
God thinks
The sun revolves around the Earth
God thinks
There was something very wrong with Copernicus
God thinks
Abortion is murder, and
God thinks
Everything science gave us is wrong
God thinks
Women deserve it
God thinks
AIDS is a form of punishment
I hate people who blame the devil for their own shortcomings, and
I hate people who thank God when things go right
And I, I know what God thinks
God thinks you’re an idiot
God prefers a heretic
God, God
God thinks all people like you are hateful
God thinks all people like you are an embarrassment to creation
Self righteous, judgmental
First to throw the stone
And using his name for your own agenda
God is a liberal, God is a democrat
God wants you to vote Republican
Never trust a man who puts his words in the mouth of God
And says it’s absolute truth
It’s lies and it smells like death
It’s all in a days work taking money from the poor
Why do you think that God
Would need your dirty money if you want to start a holy war?
Self righteous, judgmental
First to throw the stone
And using his name for your own protection
God thinks
Puppies need to die, and
God thinks
Babies need to drown
‘Cause God is
Neither good nor bad
God is you and me
God is everything

Voltaire – Ex Lover’s Lover

by

Three heavy stones will keep it from floating,
Weigh it down to the bottom, food for the fishes.
And I know that it won’t be discovered,
‘Cause I will be careful, so very careful.
What if it doesn’t rain for days and the river is,
Reduced to its muddy bed?
With the corpse exposed, I would work in haste,
And I might bury the bones in a shallow grave.
And the rain comes and moves rocks and the stones,
Washes away all the dirt and the mud flows,
Bones are exposed and well,
You know how that goes!
I wait for the day when I finally defile,
The bodies of my ex-lover’s lovers.
I’ll pile high to the sky,
The bodies of my ex-lover’s lovers.
Die die die die die die,
Die die die die die die die,
Watch them die. I saw you with him. You looked so happy.
All of that can change, cause I am so lonely.
And I have lots of time to send you straight to the Devil.
I’m taking my time,
To plan your demise.
What if I were to cut you up and mail each part
To a different town?
It would take the most,
Brilliant private eye,
The rest of his life,
Just to put you together.
A piece in each mailbox all over the planet,
From Moscow to Tokyo to Guadalajara.
I wait for the day when I finally defile,
The bodies of my ex-lover’s lovers.
I’ll pile high to the sky,
The bodies of my ex-lover’s lovers.
I wait for the day when I finally destroy,
The bodies of my ex-lover’s lovers.
I’ll pile high to the sky,
The bodies of my ex-lover’s lovers.
Die die die die die die,
Die die die die die die die,
Watch them die. I saw you with him, you looked so happy.
That will never change because I know myself too well.
I don’t have the courage,
To carry out my dreams,
And only there will I see them,
Die die die die die die,
Die die die die die die die,
Watch them die.

 

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